Whimsy....

Was talking to Austin earlier this week, about snow and how I'd enjoy it more if I were younger because it'd be more magical. He told me there wasn't a reason it couldn't be magical now. I'd forgotten, a while back, how to be whimsical and imaginative. I'd let it die, or at least get rusty. But I'm working on that again. Part of that is going to be reaching for books instead of the computer, and writing down the more creative thoughts rather than just fret over the same old same old.

Hope it works.

"There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland." L.M. Montgomery

Swimming

So I went to the pool, with my perfectly modest tankini. But I find out its a 15 dollar laundry fee for the semester. I'm more than halfway through. I'm going to be going at least twice a week to get my money's worth. It's helping out with my shoulder, and it's nice exercise.

I'm tired. The point is I went swimming, and I want to do it more while I'm up here.

Still alive....just dealing with stuff

So the roommate drama was over by the next day or so, because I didn't want to hang on to bad feelings. And then a few days later one of my roommates apologizes. And I hadn't said anything to her. Is someone looking out for me up there or what?

So the stuff I'm dealing with is unsolicited advice from roommates that makes me question what I should do. It's not bad. It's just a risk, and right now I'm not that type of risk taker.

Prayer and scripture study. That's what I'm working on. I'll figure it all out eventually.

What would you do? (kinda long, sorry)

The last few blogs I posted you see pretty spectacular Sugar Skull make up. I put quite a bit of thought into the overall design I wanted. I thought it was a beautiful execution of a design not overly familiar to me and from a culture not my own. Both days I walked around this small town that is my temporary second home and got a lot of compliments from friends and strangers alike. I felt beautiful. I loved how I looked and even joked about doing make up like this again on a normal day for fun. I knew I looked good.

Saturday Night (black based design) : I accidentally scare my roommates and one of them (several times) told me I looked disgusting. Not even just that night. The next day as well. She has some personal emotional things going on, so I understand her shortness. But to reiterate it? Several times? I try not to let people's non constructive comments bother me, but this got to me. What would you have said?

Monday night (brown based design) : I walk in the door and surprise my roommate who asks why every day I dress like a freak. Two days (not even consecutive) count as every day? It was the better design of the two and I had these two little girls at the theater I went to loving it. Members of the cast were complimenting me as well as random people at the diner. So why does this get to me? I was walking on air. I had a beautiful make up job, it was a windy evening and my hair was down, and I felt like an ethereal creature walking along the streets with my hair blowing in the wind. I wasn't a freak. What would you have done? I just said, "Well, it is Halloween" and walked out.

I'm not an unattractive girl, but I'm not always feeling beautiful. I just feel normal most of the time. And I'm fine with that. It kinda makes the beautiful times that much better. So when people compliment me I love it, and of course I want more, but I only fish for compliments on bad days. I loved looking like this today, catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and windows and being reminded. Part of me feels pathetic that this would put a dent in my mood, the part of me that knows it shouldn't affect me. So why did I let them get to me? But the compliments I've gotten have not been unnoticed, nor have my friend's and family's comments been ignored. The people who know me loved it, the people with appreciation for art like it. What should I care for two girls who I'll soon leave behind when I move back home for my off track.

"Magical Realism" is how my friend described it. Like I was "cut from a different cloth". I was beautiful tonight, and I only wish that I had better pictures. I took as many as I could. I have far more than the four of either day I posted here. I'll remember the feeling and fun of today for a while.

And really, I cant hold a grudge for something like this, so I know I'll forgive and move on and love hanging out again. But I don't necessarily see a deep, lasting friendship growing here. But I'm still going to hold out hope for something.

Thank you.