Being a giver

Do you know how it feels to constantly be giving to other people? To feel driven to make your intrusion in their lives as easy on them as possible? Not because they want it that way, but because you feel compelled to make things easy on those around you, no matter who they are.

Let me just tell you, it sucks.

Whether it's friends who take advantage of the help they know you'll give while throwing in your face your request for their help, family who expects you to bow to their every whim while not caring anything about what you'd like or someone you care deeply for feeling burdened by your feelings for them IT BITES THE BIG ONE.

I just want the people I love to know that they matter to me, to know that if anything were to happen to them, I'd be there to help any way I could. I want those who claim to love me to actually mean it when they say it, and give me some kind of sign that they aren't just saying it because it's expected of them.

I want the people around me to know that they are worth something, not just to me, but to the world and society around them. I want them to know that when I say something I almost always mean it. Yes, I misspeak often, but I try to always be clear and precise, but sometimes (because I'm human) I screw up.

I want those who I trust to show me the same kind of trust, because I am up to the task of being trustworthy, of being steadfast in my friendship. I am up to accepting them as they are, no matter what that is. I take the relationships in my life seriously, because in the long run, these relationships are what's going to carry me through the hard times. It doesn't matter my education, the cool people I've met, the books I've read or the things I've painted. What matters is who I helped when I could, who I befriended when they were around, who I let into my life, and who let me into theirs.

When we die, all we can take with us is our knowledge and our experience.
"Men are that they might have joy"
It's a matter of choice, of choosing to be happy, of choosing to live your life to it's fullest regardless of the opposition where ever it may come from.
Happiness comes to NO ONE. It must be sought after, or better yet, made.